The Sisters Aren't Doing It For Themselves

Firstly, I write the following as a woman who loves doing, making, cooking etc and thinks the years spent raising a family were terrific. However, this week reviews have appeared about a new book which advises us that Everyone can be a Wonderwoman. This is written by a woman who is married with 3 children, works in TV, claims very little help in the home and yet, on top of what just this alone would entail, she also tells us that with just a bit of organisation and a few ‘to do’ lists, there is no reason why the female of the house shouldn’t also (as she does):

• Have the cleanest laundry in the land
• The most sparkling oven
• The shiniest taps
• Make the finest fairy wings for daughters
• Find ways to iron twice as fast
• Make own scented, ironing water

She also seems to do her own DIY, offering tips such as how to decant leftover paint, hang pictures, turn jam jars into votives, beautify a box file.  There is also a section on having the perfect hair and nails and ………wait for it………making your own body oil!!  Of course, not forgetting making bunting (for heaven's sake!). Even Kirsty Allsop (I love her) admits to lots of help so she can raise her family and work outside the home.

It's only my opinion of course, but I really think women need to ease up, both on themselves and others. What happened to the Sisterhood?  Why do (some) women continue to give themselves even more work (as if raising a family and working outside the home too isn’t enough) and in the process risk shaming other women into feeling they just aren’t working or achieving  enough.  Did women fight for the vote and equality to then be harder on other women than ever, and sometimes more so than men? And where is her husband in all this, what mention of shared responsibilities?  Just making a reasonable living is difficult enough today for the majority of families.

I do understand that some of you might actually want to do all she suggests; you might be very happy to (seemingly) wait hand and foot on the family in addition to other work but trust me, there will be a price to pay and it will probably be your mental and physical health and certainly your relationships.  Do as much as you comfortably can and need to, then banish guilt from your life.  We think we have all the time in the world but actually we don’t because it passes incredibly fast so give the children, your partner and other loved ones more time/hugs/love and sod the ironing.  As for the bit that says ‘Start the day with a to do list to avoid rising panic, but keep to a maximum of three things’  (unbelievable!) I would suggest that having an extra ten minutes in bed with your partner (if you get my drift) is a far better start to the day. A wanton Wonderwoman sounds much more fun!

Being busy, busy, doesn’t make you a better person, just a more stressed one.  I will  leave (almost!) you with a quote:
“All the unhappiness of men and women arises from one single fact – that they cannot stay quietly in their own chambers”  Blaise Pascal.

This is the last paragraph, honestly!  The lady below, Marie, was my maternal grandmother and along with many of her contemporaries, really was a Wonderwoman.  She raised seven children (and buried others).  Within a few days of each other, her husband died of cancer and her eldest son was torpedoed in the war, leaving her to raise the remaining young children alone and in deep, deep grief. They did it because they had to but I don't know how. I remember the parties 'at me Nin's' though, so thankfully she did learn to smile again and I still miss her wit and wisdom.  Oh, and her favourite flowers were enemas - as opposed to anemones - priceless!